Grouping #1:  “To Be” or “To Have”

“To Be”
  • Will usually assume responsibility or blame themselves for problems or negative situations.
  • This personality is caused by children having their needs excessively met.  For example, when a child desires to be fed and is given more than needed or if a child needs warmth and more is given than needed.
“To Have”
  • Will usually put the responsibility on others.
  • This personality is caused by children’s needs being inadequately met.

Grouping #2: “Pole”, “Triangle” or “Circle”

Pole
  • The Pole personality evolves from paternal influences.  A Pole will be authoritative and know what they want.  They will identify your problem but not solve it, or help you solve it.  They will unconsciously display a pole symbol by pointing a finger, foot, pen, etc. and touch in a pole or pointing way.
  • When resting face on hand, Poles will have their hand in a fist or simply rest their face on one finger or their index finger and thumb.
Triangle
  • The Triangle is a helpful problem solver to the extent of doing things for you while attempting to help you.  They can be helpful to the extent of smothering.
  • Then resting face on hand, Triangles will completely open their hand and rest their face in it.
Circle
  • The Circle is an ego personality.  They will be reflective in nature.  They will assist you with a problem by suggesting or offering a solution but not get directly involved in solving it.  They will offer encouragement and follow up to make sure you came out ok, but they will not do it for you.
  • Then resting face on hand, Circles will either bend their fingers at a right angle, with respect to their hand, and rest their face on the back of their fingers or they will rest their face on and open fist.

Grouping #3: “Blamer”, “Placater”, “Distractor” or “Computer”

Blamer

Words:  Disagree – “You never do anything right.”
Body: Blames – “I am the boss around here.”
Insides: “I am lonely and unsuccessful.”

  • The Blamer is a fault-finder, a dictator, a boss.  He acts superior and he seems to be saying, “If it weren’t for you, everything would be all right.”  The internal feeling is one of tightness in the muscles and in the organs.  Meanwhile the blood-pressure is increasing.  The voice is hard, tight and often shrill and loud.
  • When blaming, blamers breath in little tight spurts, or hold their breath altogether, because their throat muscles are so tight.
  • Eyes bulge.
  • Neck muscles and nostrils stand out.
  • Face gets red.
  • Voice sounds like shoveling coal.
  • Face is screwed up.
  • Lips curled.
Placater

Words: Agree – “Whatever you want is ok.”
Body: Placates – “I am helpless.”
Insides: “I feel like nothing; without him I am dead.  I am worthless.”

  • The Placator always talks in an ingratiating way, trying to please, apologizing, and never disagreeing no matter what.
  • He is a “Yes man.”
  • He talks as though he could do nothing for himself, he must always get someone to approve of him.
  • Voice sounds whiney and squeaky.
Distracter

Words: Irrelevant – The words make no sense.
Body: Angular & off somewhere else.
Insides: “Nobody cares.  There is no place for me.”

  • Whatever the distracter does or says is irrelevant to what anyone else is saying or doing, he never makes a response to the point.  His internal feeling is one of dizziness.  The voice can be sing-song, often out of tune with the words and can go up and down without reason because it is focused nowhere.
  • He ignores everyone’s questions; maybe even comes back with one of his own on a different subject.
  • He might take an imaginary piece of lint off someone’s garment.
Computer

Words: Ultra Reasonable
Body: Computers – “I’m calm, cool & collected.
Insides: “I feel vulnerable.”

  • The Computer is very correct, very reasonable with no semblance of any feeling showing.  He is calm, cool and collected.  He could be compared to an actual computer or a dictionary.  The voice is a dry monotone and the words are likely to be abstract.
  • Everything about a computer is motionless as possible, including their mouths.

Grouping #4: “Visual”, “Auditory”, or “Kinesthetic”

Visual
  • Body Posture:  Person leans back, with head and shoulders up or rounded.  There is also a tendency to hold chin up.
  • Eyes:  These people might look up to their right or left or their eyes may appear unfocused.
  • Gestures:  Their gestures are quick, angular and include pointing to eyes.  Most are made above eye level.
  • Breathing & Speech: High, shallow and quick.
  • Words:  The words that capture their attention include: see, look, imagine, perspective, reveal.
  • Presentations:  They prefer pictures, diagrams and movies.
Auditory
  • Body Posture:  Person leans forward, with the head cocked (as though listening), shoulders back & arms folded.
  • Eyes:  These people might look down to the left and may appear “shifty-eyed.”
  • Gestures:  Their gestures are rhythmic, touching one’s face, mouth and jaw (ie. Rubbing the chin).  Most are made near ears or pointing toward the ears.
  • Breathing & Speech:  Mid-chest, rhythmic.
  • Words:  The words that capture their attention include: hear, listen, ask, tell, clicks, in-tune.
  • Presentations: They prefer lists, summaries, quotes and things read to them.
Kinesthetic
  • Body Posture: Person has head and shoulders down, with the body leaning slightly to the person’s right.
  • Eyes:  These people might look down to the right.
  • Gestures:  Their gestures are rhythmic, touching chest.  Most are below the chest.
  • Breathing & Speech:  Deep, slow with pauses.
  • Words:  The words that capture their attention include: feel, touch, grasp, catch on, contact.
  • Presentations:  They prefer hands-on, do-it demonstrations, test drives.

Grouping #5: “Similar” or “Different”

“Similar”

People always compare how what they are doing is similar to something else.

“Different”

People always compare how what they are doing is different to something else.

Something to think about…

by Master Sean Pearson

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Written by Sean Pearson

Throughout his career, in an effort to become a truly well-rounded martial artist in both practice and philosophy, Master Pearson has studied a wide variety of martial arts: Taekwondo, Kali, Kyudo, Iaido, Aikido, Judo, Jodo, Bando and Tai Chi. He holds dan rankings in six of these arts and master ranks in three of them. To this same end he has studied and achieved national recognition as a wilderness survival instructor, a certified hypnotherapist, and a lecturer in Neuro Linguistic Psychology.

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